You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
