i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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