im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
