im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
