The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
