just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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