He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
