Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
