all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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