It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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