Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize