i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
