either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
