youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i now understand why vodka
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