If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
