I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
