Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
