I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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