He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
