Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
