did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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