When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
