the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
