I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
