OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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