Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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