U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
