just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
