I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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