I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
