Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
