Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am available for nakedness
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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