I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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