Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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