my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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