Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
