is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
