She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
