I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
