that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
