hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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