Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there is glitter all over my balls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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