I wanna passion pit in your ass
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
