Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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