If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
