Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
