Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
