eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize