so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
