I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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