I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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