remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
