Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
