i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
