No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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