so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
