I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
