yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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