...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
