I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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