Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
time to smoke my breakfast
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
