Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
