I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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