Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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