I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize