so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
