i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
