i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
