if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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