there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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