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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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