I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
