You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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