Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
