Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
