Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
