I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
