so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
