I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
