I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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