i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
