From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
