my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
