you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize