I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
