I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
