Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
