Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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