you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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