i permit you to call me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
