When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
