I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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