Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
