That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
