We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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