My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
