if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
