I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
