also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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