Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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