if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
