He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
