I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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