maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
