If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
